


Golden glow of lust

by NarniaAtHogwarts



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-28 00:18:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13892214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarniaAtHogwarts/pseuds/NarniaAtHogwarts
Summary: Set During and after the Dawn Treader."I deserve to rule!"





	1. Words to regret

The words kept repeating over and over in his mind. Burning into his brain, his heart. They had been cursed, Deathwater island; a fitting name. But that didn't make it hurt any less. What he had said, about Peter, about Caspian. He had been pulled in by it, the gold, only Lucy seemed unaffected. 

He lay in the hammock, listening to the rocking of the boat, allowing the soothing motions to relax him. Caspian was also awake, his usual steady breathing, quiet. "I didn't mean it. At Deathwater Island." His voice only just heard over the waves lapping against the wood. "Neither did I Ed" but the statement did nothing to soothe the pain that had shot through his scar, the scar the Witch gave him. "Where are you going?" The older kings voice sounded almost accusing as Edmund slid out of the hammock and towards the cabin door. "I need some air" he whispered, shutting the door quietly. 

The wind was rather calm, a small breeze. Eustace, in all his dragon glory, was still awake, steering the boat slowly. "The stars are dull tonight" The boys dragon head jerked around, eyeing him suspiciously as he climbed the steps. "Have you ever done something, something so hurtful, not just to others but yourself as well, that it's always there, reminding you?" His hands clenched around the wood, eyes closing as memories flashed through his mind. "Do you know my history? What I did?" Eustace snorted, shaking his scaly head, eyes curious. "I was ten the first time I came to Narnia. I was angry, resentful, bitter. I betrayed my family for Turkish Delight to a witch. I redeemed myself when I almost died fighting against the witch. To most Narnians. I still hear it, even now. A whisper. Traitor. I never forgave myself. I still haven't. She comes in my dreams, in my pain. I see her everywhere Eustace." His body shook, tears sliding down his face. "I love Caspian. He got to know me, didn't judge me on my history whether good or bad, Peter, Susan, even Lucy, I love them to pieces but....just promise me something, Eustace. Never take family for granted." The dragon stared after him as the king disappeared up to the crows nest. Where he stood for a long time, staring into the darkness. He did not see the surprised eyes watching him from below, or the low whisper. "I love you too".


	2. Goodbye. Maybe forever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They come back to England once more.

His brown eyes, mesmerising, dark curls, silly and soft, muscled body, warm and comforting. Edmund pulled away from his lover, blinking back tears. "This is really it?" Caspian mumbled, his own eyes suspiciously bright. "I love you" Edmund whispered squeezing his hand before turning away to the lion who stood gracefully by the wave. "Time to go home" the lion rumbled as the portal opened. In sync, Lucy, Edmund and Eustace thought "we are home". Before stepping through to England. 

"Remember children. Once a king or Queen in Narnia, always a king or Queen in Narnia" 

The lions voice echoed around the bedroom as they sat quietly, staring at one another. "So this is how Peter and Susan felt" Lucy whispered, tears springing to her eyes. Eustace leaned over and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sorry for teasing you about Narnia" something neither thought they'd hear from the boy. "We'll go back. When we're called, Aslan would never abandon us. We will return" Edmund spoke convincingly towards the too, they smiled up at him, unknowing the doubt that swirled around his brain. 

"Children! Come down!" Aunt Alberta's voice yelled up the stairs. 

"Coming" the three chorused. 

Lucy and Eustace left quickly, small smiles on their faces. He knew they would never loose hope of seeing the beautiful land once more. He walked up to the painting and placed his hand against the canvas. "I love you. King Caspian" he whispered, forehead touching painting, ears strained almost hoping for a reply. A roar answered, echoing loudly. A wistful smile crept upon his lips. 

"Thank you Aslan. For everything" 

He turned away from the painting as his aunt yelled once more. 

Each one of the coped differently. Peter, he knew, would become angry just like before, but he also knew that he would never loose the part of his heart belonging to Narnia. And he would always tell the stories of his great battles and his rule as high king. Eustace had changed so much, he almost saw himself in his cousin, but Eustace didn't need redemption, only change. A new light had appeared the the younger lads eyes, they sparkled brightly when the conversation ever turned to the painting and the mysterys surrounding Narnia. Lucy. Innocent, beautiful Lucy. The sunshine among the rain. She is maturing, but the one thing that will never be lost to her, is Narnia. Edmund knew that no matter how his sister fell, no matter how dark her life got, she would always believe in Narnia. Susan, she is changing rapidly. No longer the girl who first entered the wardrobe with big hopes and dreams, ambition that Aslan only fuelled more. No. She is loosing sight, slowly becoming what he knew the Gentle Queen would loath to be. Her intellectual mind growing wiser, but dangerously so as she tries to leave it behind. He will do whatever it takes to keep her from leaving them. 

And himself? How is he, Edmund the Just, coping?

Fine. Utterly totally fine. Or trying to be. At least in front of everyone else. But that wouldn't last. Not when Aunt Alberta bought the thing he despised the most. Not when he tried to hard to forgive himself, and fail again and again. 

"Eustace, Lucy, Edmund, would you like some Turkish Delight?" 

Eustace accepted unknowing of what was about to occur. Lucy accepted, eyeing her brother with growing concern as he got paler. "N-no thank you" He avoided looking at he tin, staring straight at his plate, all noise disappearing around him. And then they came back. The flurry of memories that HE had helped push away. But HE wasn't here, not this time. Neither of them were. The two men who showed him the truth. His lover and Brother. 

He jerked violently jumping up, and sprinting to the bathroom, bike rising. He dropped to his knees and expelled the contents of his stomach, HER scream burning around his ears. His family's yell's resurfacing from his nightmares. "Oh Ed" Lucy's voice whispered, her soft hands rubbing his back gently. "S-sorry" he croaked pulling back and flushing the loo. "Whatever for?" She asked quietly as he brushed his teeth quickly. He didn't answer, only squeezed her hand as they walked out of the bathroom. Eustace watched worriedly whilst his mother seemed irritated. But she said nothing only huffing what sound like "Eustace better not catch it" before disappearing back downstairs. They walked back into Ed's bedroom. "Why are you sorry?" Lucy repeated looking a mixture of concern and confusion, softly rubbing a hand through his hair. 

"Are you ok?" 

He refused to answer instead asking his own question. She nodded frowning. "I mean are you ok, leaving Narnia, leaving everything we live for behind?" He asked quietly. "We don't live for Narnia Ed. We live with Narnia. It's apart of us" Lucy smiled, gently kissing his cheek.   
"I don't understand?" Eustace looked as berwildered as ever, they smiled sadly at him. 

"Remember when you were the dragon? Remember what I told you? Turkish Delight was the sweets" Edmund said, realisation crossed his cousins face. "Oh. Are you ok?" 

"Yeah. I will be" 

When I'm home. He finished the sentence in his head. But as usual Lucy seemed to know what he was thinking. Eustace left to his mothers yells and Lucy got up to follow. "I'm always here if you need me Ed" she disappeared. 

"Sorry" 

He whispered once more, laying down on the bed, memories replaying in his mind. 

"I miss you Caspian. I miss you Pete" 

A nightmarish sleep filled the night sky. 

Peter Pevensie would not know of his brothers pain and sorrow for another month where they would finally be reunited from America. But as he hit his fists against the punch bag Susan had brought him, a pang went through his heart. A familiar feeling, just like when Lucy was almost killed by the bear or when Susan kissed Caspian. Someone was hurting his brother. There would be hell to pay when he got back. 

He split the seam of the punch bag.   
Again.


	3. Home But Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Finchley, all six Pevensie's. But there is something different, John Pevensie knew instantly that his children had changed, but would they allow him back into their lives?

John Pevensie slid an arm around his wife's waist, his oldest daughter Susan eyeing their surroundings. She had grown, become so mature in a short space of time. Her dark hair curly and long almost reaching her waist, brown eyes wise but gentle. Hidden sadness amongst her beauty. They traveled along the bumpy roads back to Finchley, they had been traveling in America for some time. 

"Father when will we arrive?" Susan spoke softly, back straight, looking regal but without the posh tone he had heard amongst the multiple friends that had come for tea. "Soon Su, about ten minutes i believe" John smiled, Helen Pevensie, mother and wife, passed out some sandwiches. 

He was nervous, having not seen his other children in a few years, they had written letters and sent pictures, but war was a terrible thing and one may never know if they will survive. He had seen his eldest, Peter, fleetingly before he disappeared to the country where continuing to study for an exam with an old professor and guardian, Diggory Kirke. He had not however seen his youngest who were already with his sister, Alberta, and her husband and child Eustace. 

He began to sweat slightly, anxiety creeping into his posture and facial expression. Helen squeezed his hand, a reassuring smile on her face, Susan stared out of the window of the car, lost in thoughts. "We're here" He would not recall who spoke only the spike of fear as he stepped from the car. The fear of the unknown. 

His eyes landed on Peter, who had come home days before and was stood waiting on the front step. Blonde hair light in the sun, handsome face perfected by beautiful, twinkling blue eyes. He was tall, taller than both his parents with muscles to add to his athletic build. The smile in his face dazzling, growing wider as they pulled up. But amongst all of that, beneath the surface of the star pupil, his eyes were mature, wise, wistful, his features belonging to him but as someone else. His son was in all words, Magnificent. And if he looked close enough, he could almost see a golden crown perched regal on his blonde locks.

Susan beamed, loosing her lady-like posture and running towards Peter. He caught her, crushing her against him, s laugh of happiness bubbled out. Helen, with tears in her eyes, made her way forward, similar blonde hair and blue eyes. She smothered him in a mothering hug, rambling. Peter hugged her back, but his eyes were focused on his father. Almost wary. 

"Peter, my boy. Look at you, you've grown so much" 

John's voice came our croaky as he crossed the garden path to reach his eldest. He clapped Peter on the shoulder before hugging him, eyes suspiciously bright. "Welcome home dad" he squeezed back and pulled away, gesturing them inside. "Lucy and Ed will be home tomorrow" as Peter spoke he cast a look towards his sister, surveying her. He grabbed the cases and brought them inside where his parents were getting re-settled into their home. 

"How was the professor?" Susan asked after a moments silence, everyone sipping at tea. John, in that moment, felt very British. His two children however, felt foreign. 

John paused outside of Peter's bedroom, where he heard whispers. "Why didn't they tell me?" Susan asked, her face a mixture of sadness and hurt. "Can you blame them? The last they wrote taking about it, you waved them away, pretending it was a game" Peter growled, the low light reflecting into his angry eyes. "I just missed it. I didnt, don't, know how to cope" she said quietly, eyes brining with unushered tears. Peter sighed and pulled her into a hug, both sitting on his bed. "If it helps, I didn't get much information on what happened, only that they had been again, with Eustace" a flash of pain crossed Peters face and John felt protective anger building up. Who was hurting his children? "Lu will tell us" Peter dipped his head, kissing his younger sisters forehead as her eyelids drooped. "Thank you Pete. For not becoming angry again" Susan's voice slurred with sleep but the former king heard it, and smiled.  
Helen joined her husband at the door and watched through the crack as they curled up together on Peters bed. 

"Lucy!" 

John jolted out of his thoughts by his daughters yell. Both parents came rising to the front door. Peter swing his younger sister around, she giggled kissing his cheek. As expected Lucy had changed, she had grown, grown into a pretty child, blue eyes bright and full of happiness. Her body slim, petite but cute, radiating infectious cheer. Susan swooped down and pulled her into a tight hug, whispering into her ear. As they pulled back Lucy seemed to brighten even more, then she turned to her parents, the same distinct feature of sadness and longing hidden behind the life and love she gave off. Through all the happiness, her eyes were wise, knowledge beyond her years. And yet, still she grinned and ran towards them like she was eight again. Squeezing them tightly. 

He came forwards last, holding suitcases. Dark locks bent, hiding his face. Slowly he looked up, brown eyes holding so much emotion, but so little showing on his face. He had toned-up well, slim with muscles building. There was something about the way he held himself, the defensive stance, eyes darting guarded, watching suspiciously. Susan pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek. He didn't pull away like he might have five years earlier. Helen smothered him much the same as she had to Peter, again he didn't shy away. The most shocking was when his elder brother hugged him. He hugged back, holding each other, Peter buried his head in his little brothers hair, he pressed his face into Peters chest, still not as tall as his brother. The two boys seemed to find comfort in each other, John looked away, feeling as though he was intruding in some way. They pulled apart and John cleared his thrust. The previous tension that had left his youngest sons body returned. Edmund appraised him carefully, before stepping forwards, a small smile flickering onto his lips. "Hello Ed" John smiled also, giving the boy a rib-cracking hug. A pang of hurt flew through him when Edmund didn't hug back, he stayed stiff, almost as though he didn't know what to do. Instantly after they broke apart Edmund stepped back to Peters side, his elder brothers hand sliding onto his lower back comfortingly.  
They were home, but they were not. 

The first few weeks were hard. For all of them. 

School was starting soon. 

Neither younger sibling spoke of their trip to Narnia, something that constantly bugged the elder two. And it was only after an argument did they finally tell. 

Peter didn't remember why he was angry, in fact he didn't feel angry, not anymore, it was disappearing. The only thing he was aware of was his little brothers face, the pain in his eyes and the words that fell from his lips that now registered in the older teen's brain. 

"W-what?" Peter croaked, eyes going wide. 

"We can't go back"  
Edmund repeated, hands shoved deep into his pockets, nothing but a thin coat protecting him from the bitter wind. 

"Oh" 

"You promised Pete, you promised that you wouldn't get angry, that you would jump to conclusions" 

Edmund averted his eyes to the lake, tears welling up, a lump forming in his throat. He almost missed the words from his brother "why didn't you say?" He chocked back a laugh. "Because it hurts Pete, it bloody hurts. I can never see him again" the last part came our as a whisper and his legs gave out, he fell to the ground, misery building up inside of him. But he didn't cry. 

Peter dropped next to him, a pang in his heart, and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry Ed" he whispered, the boys head falling against his chest. "So am I" Susan voice echoed behind them, she slid down next to the two. "I though I was the only one in pain. Peter had his girlfriend, you and Lu had Narnia. I had no one. I forgot that we all lost something" Her eyes brimmed with tears, both boys pulled her into a hug. "Your not alone Su, you have us" Edmund mumbled into her ear. 

That day the old Susan returned, Lucy never did ask how, only rejoiced in having her sister back. The gentle queen had returned, faith fully intact. 

That night, the four siblings sat in front of the fire. They felt at peace, but not at home. No, more as though they were on a holiday. They were home to everyone else, but away from where they longed to really be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always felt as though their mum would have blonde hair and their father have dark hair. 
> 
> Also I think they should be older than in the books. 
> 
> Peter: 19  
> Susan: 18  
> Edmund: 16  
> Lucy: 14


	4. Scars to show what you've become

This would be hard to explain. 

To the school nurse, to his parents, to even his siblings. 

He had never shown them his scars, not from the witch, from any of the battles he'd fought in, and definitely not from his last trip into Narnia.  
And so this was what it came to. King Edmund the Just, running away like a coward from a check up. 

And of course as luck would have it, he ran, quite literally, into trouble. "Running away Pevensie? Your brother never did that" a cold voice sneered above. Caster Enrico smirked, blue eyes sharp, promising pain. The 16 year old gulped as large hands reached down and yanked him from the floor by his collar. "Where's the rest of your 'gang' Enrico" Edmund spat, sounded much beaver than he felt towards his personal bully. "Funny you should mention them. Let's see Pevensie, I've lost two friends because of you and the third disappeared to the country and hasn't returned." The five other followers appeared surrounding the duo. 

"Friends! More like followers" Edmund sneered, jerking out of the 17 year olds grip. "Shut up you traitor!" Enrico yelled, shoving him into the wall. He winced, but not from hitting the wall. 

Flashback 

"No one asked your opinion traitor!" 

The hall went silent, the four siblings stared at the faun. A flash of pain crossed the Just kings face and the 14 year old stood from his throne, back straight, head held high. He swung his cloak gracefully onto his shoulders and nodded to his siblings before walking down the isle towards the old faun. 

"And I don't recall anyone asking your opinion of my past. I believe you should take your leave now, we have no need of someone who cannot except his King's words of forgiveness. I shall take my leave now" 

He had grown in confidence. And had no qualms about kicking someone out. The door fell shut behind him. 

"What? Why would he forgive us! It should be us forgiving him!" The faun snarled, turning towards the high king. 

"He wasn't talking about himself" 

Peter spoke loud in the silent hall. Most of their subjects glared at the faun.

"Aslan forgave him" Lucy said quietly as Peter stood, face cold, unmasked fury standing out. But the faun didn't seem to get the message. 

"He has no authority to kick me out-" 

"Actually, he has. Do not forget. He is King Edmund The Just. And my brother. I suggest you remove yourself before I remove your title of a Healer" 

Peter spoke icily, stepping down towards the faun who backed away rapidly.

Flashback end 

Gritting his teeth he shoved himself away from the wall and glared up at the bully.  
"If you'll excuse me Enrico, I'm going to leave you to your skulking now" he spoke civilly, avoiding eye contact and pushing past two of his cronies. The six boys gaped after him. He hated Enrico, not because he bullied him, not because they were rivals, but because he looked like Caspian. Dark locks, handsome face, the only difference was the blue eyes. The vicious blue eyes. 

He half ran through the corridors of the school, avoiding both the school nurse and the bullies following him. He ended up in a small music room, a few floors away from his dorm. A grin slid across his face as he took in the sleek, shiny piano in the corner of the room. 

His footsteps were silent as he made his way to the piano. He sat quietly and placed his hands at the familiar keys. The music swallowed him up, a soft melody, words falling from his lips as his eyes closed. 

"Your face in my mind  
Reminds me of what I lost  
As we said goodbye  
And the cost  
Of my actions  
Swirling guilt inside

Catch me as I fall  
Hold me tight, please,  
I can't take this anymore  
I need you so bad  
My heart is cracking  
So please, call me home 

I miss you  
We all do  
The memories of happiness  
And fauns  
And talking lions and dragons  
We said goodbye once more  
But it hurts to much to let you go  
So if you can hear this  
Remember my promise 

Catch me as I fall  
Hold me tight, Please,  
I can't take this anymore  
I need you so bad  
My heat is cracking  
So please, call me home 

I'm waiting for your call" 

He fell silent, the words so much more that what others would understand, it wasn't a love song, no, it was a longing song. A longing to go home. 

"That was Beautiful Ed" 

He jumped violently as the familiar deep voice spoke. Peter Pevensie smiled sadly at his little brother. "Pete!" He cried and hugged the older lad, burying his head in his brothers chest. The feeling of being safe, sercure, enveloping him. "Why are you here?" He asked, voice muffled. "I needed to talk to the headmaster about something." Peter murmured, kissing the top of the dark locks. 

"As much as I hate to interrupt, Edmund Pevensie needs his check up" a woman's voice spoke quietly. 

Peter frowned feeling his brother tense. "As you know Peter, its mandatory" Nurse Coulby smiled at her favourite pupils. Peter pulled back but kept a firm hand on his brothers shoulder to stop him from running. 

The trio made it to the infirmary without any problems. A.k.a Edmund hadn't tried to run. 

"Ok Edmund I'm going to pull the curtains. Undress for me please." 

The youngest Pevensie son grimaced. Dread building up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- That song was my own   
> \- what did you think? Can you guess what Peter was talking with the headmaster about?


	5. Scars that show what you've become part 2

Peter Pevensie smiled at the headmaster. His handsome face now older and wiser. 

"Mr Pevensie are you sure this is what you want for your brother?" 

The headmaster asked, glasses perched on his nose, old age slowly creeping through on his face, hair greying. 

"I am" 

Peter spoke neutrally, eyes twinkling. 

They turned in their seats hearing footsteps running. A figure sprinted past the door, dark locks grown slightly longer, brown eyes searching, looking for somewhere to hide.   
Peter frowned.   
"I'll get back to you in a couple of days" the headmaster murmured, also frowning. "Thank you for your time" Peter stood shaking the older mans hand and heading out of the office. Now intent on finding his brother. 

Turning down the music corridor, he caught words, a melody. Someone was singing. The familiar, soft, soothing voice of his little brother reached his ears. His pace quickened. Edmund hadn't sung in years, not since their reign. Well, at least not in front of anybody. He reached the doorway at the same time as a smaller figure, rather petite, did. He recognised the figure as Nurse Coulby and gave her a smile before putting a finger to his lips and walking inside. 

His back was straight from where he sat on the piano, regal like a King. His hair had begun to get curly and almost reached his shoulders. His pale, slender fingers floated across the piano keys. Listening to the lyrics a lump formed in his throat. 

He spoke quietly, but Edmund heard in the now silent room as the music stopped. Instantly he was holding his younger brother tightly to his chest. Kissing his dark locks, he pulled back as Nurse Coulby spoke. Edmund stiffened under his firm grip. 

Peter himself had some problems with the nurses after his last trip into Narnia. With his own scars. Nurse Coulby had saved an investigation by covering them up. In the long chats that followed, drinking tea and eating cake in her office, it was as revealed that she had also been to Narnia. When she was a little child. She had trained as a healer under the fauns in the reign of King Frank and Queen Helen. Peter now trusted her with his brother, not many people had that trust, not even their parents. 

He watched the curtains close with dread building up. What was Ed hiding? A thought struck him. Battle scars. He'd never seen his brothers scars, not even the ones from Beruna. The feeling of dread increased.

He shared a glance with Nurse Coulby as they heard Edmund undress behind the curtains. He swallowed nervously. 

Nurse Coulby entered behind the curtains and gasped. She quickly shut them before Peter could see. He growled, now really worried. He paced for a good fifteen minutes before Nurse Coulby allowed him through. Edmund stood, face as hard as a soldier, arms crossed across his chest looking strong. But both new he was hiding the fear and anxiety he felt. Peter let out a strangled choke, staring at his brothers healing body. He strolled forward stopping meters from him and gently pulled his arms down. 

Scars littered his body, a long jagged scar ran from his left shoulder to his right thigh like someone had tried to cut him in half but go the wrong angle. His chest had smaller scars and recent purplish bruises. A long thing scar ran horizontal across his stomach. On his right shoulder were words. A name. Carved into his skin. Jadis. But one scar stood out. Just below his ribs, a puckered scar, red raw, the skin around it a blue-grey colour. Peter stared horrified at the scar left by the witch. Another thought struck him, he tried to move around Edmund to see his back, but the younger boy backed away. 

"Edmund, let me see your back" he struggled to keep his voice steady. Brown eyes showed fear. He grabbed Edmunds shoulders and twisted his body around, so his back was facing him. A moan escaped Peters lips. His back was worse than his front. 

Long criss-cross scars patterned his back, old burns on his legs, more words carved into his skin. Traitor, Murderer, Faliure, Disappointment. It even stretched to sentences. Not Good Enough, Unworthy of Love, You Deserve Pain. If that was bad enough two more names were carved into his skin. Ginarrbrik. Natairo.   
Another scar identical to the one below his ribs was vivid on his back. 

Peter went white. 

Blue meeting brown before falling into an abyss of darkness.


End file.
